'Tis the season... to lose weight

With Christmas out of the way, and weeks of solid advertising preaching for the season of gluttony, it's time to feel the guilt. What sin! How could you? How could you eat two Christmas dinners and a box of chocolate? What you need now is a diet. But, don't even think about fresh fruit – no, what you need is the best in diet foods: low-fat cake, low-fat yogurt, low-fat ready meals. And don't waste time walking around the park – get a gym membership instead. New trainers, new trackies, new you. That's what you want, isn't it? A new you. A you you don't feel guilty for being. Purge away your sin and spend in the Church of Consumerism. Because you are not a person if you don't.

Every year is much of the same. Every year we are bombarded with the same message: 'tis the season. Somewhere along the line, the festive season went from celebrating love and life to celebrating stuff. Television, news, interwebs, people – everything is telling us to consume as much possible, be it food or stuff. Telling us that without such purchases, Christmas will be a disaster. Telling us not to let our loved ones down. And this line is embedded, one only has to look at the mothers among us to see the stress of ensuring everyone has the perfect Christmas.

But as soon as the day of eating too much food is out the way, the ads switch on us. The very same mediums that were telling us to eat as much as we could, now tell us we've all put on a few pounds. That we've let ourselves go and we simply must lose weight. If we don't, we're undesirable. They're making us feel guilty for doing the very thing we were so encouraged to do, but they're pretending to be on our side all the time. They're offering us guidance and a hand to help us through the difficult transition into that Better You.

In my inbox this morning I found a direct hit. LA Fitness encouraging me to 'join the new year's health resolution' (which, admittedly, I read as 'revolution' the first time. I don't know if that's my dyslexia, or if they engineered it themselves). The tagline reads: 'Start achieving your health and fitness goals today'.

I don't know about everyone else, but I was still on the 'let yourself go' part of the festive season; drinking beer and eating seconds. But it seems I'm supposed to stop eating in time for the next set of festivities: new year's. As we enter into 2013 I need to set myself some new rules for being a better person, and advertisers the world-over are promising to help.

LA Fitness isn't the only company encouraging a change of tact. The diet industry thrives off our insecurities, and this is a great time of year to hit out. It stayed quiet for a couple of weeks, giving us all long enough to eat more than we would usually, to ensure we're primed and ready to purge.

Happy holidays.

Follow Pennie Varvarides on Twitter @superpennie 

OMG It's NYE 2010

2010 sounds a little crazy doesn't it? I remember all the fuss over 2000 and the end of the world and all that jazz but 2010 sounds like the setting for some futuristic movie. Only we've totally failed with a whole lot of our futuristic expectations...

In the 1980's Back To The Future showed us hover-boards; where the hell are they? Surely we've worked out the technology to hover by now!

And why are we not living on the moon in tin foil suits yet?

Why are we still driving the same old four wheeled cars - with gear sticks?

Why haven't we cured world hunger yet? Or found a better source of energy? Yeah yeah, "Solar Power" I know... but what actually runs off solar power really? It's still too expensive for anyone to actually be running their houses off, or cars, or planes....

We failed our past selves with our rubbishness. I personally blame the fact that people want to make money more than they want to do science. We have way more technology than the everyday man can get his hands on, but nobody is selling up for less than more money than they could possibly ever need. Oh and those particular folk, who spend all day shouting that science is the devils work and ignorance is the only way into heaven.

So how do I plan to step into the under achieving future? Well I'm plan-less. Ok, that's not totally true - I have about 5 plans that I've yet to commit to as I sit in my room begrudging this need for celebration the world encourages, every time we make it through a year. I think I've grown out of all this celebrating and I'm really tempted to stay home and be a recluse. I enjoy the recluse life, but it's one the social person can get their head around.

Why would you not want to go out and get bladdered? Why would you not want to spend your evening surrounded by loud, sweaty drunks? You need to start the year as you mean to go on; with a party! 

I definitely do not want my entire year to be filled with drunken social situations. Been there, done that, can't be assed to hit repeat. Really if I want to start the year as I mean to go on, I should spend the evening writing and doing work in powerful attempts to achieve something with my life. 'Cause that's what I want a whole lot more than the drunkness and the sweat.

You see, I worked in a club for a year. And it wasn't any year, it was my first year at university. So every day for a year I was either out clubbing or in a club working (which amounted to the same thing up until I got bored of being on the scene). I wore it out. Can you blame me for not wanting to do it all over again?

And besides, what's so special about NewYears? It's just another day, it only looks like it's special because of the particular calendar we follow. But what if we followed a different one? There are loads of different 'NewYears' going on, so it can't be all that special. If I'm celebrating making it through a year, really that's kinda morbid... and on that logic shouldn't we celebrate everyday?

Yay! I've got a whole new today to look forward to! 

Woot! Let's celebrate tomorrow's arrival! 

Haha! I remember yesterday! 

I guess that's a good way to live, sort of. So long as the celebrating isn't daily over indulgences followed by massive hangovers. But just being happy, appreciating your life and all that love-y dove-y shit that nobody really does but pretend they do 'cause it makes them sound spiritual and 'together'.

I don't know.

While I'm on the topic of NewYears though, may as well discuss resolutions. I think it's pointless to make resolutions like, No more chocolate. No more fags. Exercise daily. Cold turkey, cold turkey, cold turkey! You're not going to achieve anything by removing something you enjoy on the premise of becoming a better person or whatever. It'll be a couple of weeks before you are back on whatever you gave up (or no longer doing whatever you took up) with twice the force to make up for lost time.

I think instead of empty resolutions we should reflect. Look at this year and see what worked, what didn't work. Look at yourself. Understand yourself. You can't 'improve' on something you don't understand so there's no point wasting your life away.

If you look back it'll help you look forward. It'll help you set real goals that you can actually achieve. So that's my plan this year, what's yours?