Facing Anxiety

Part of me feels like anxiety is almost a Western phenomenon facing modern man. This thought led me to a bit of research on the matter to see if I was at least close in my hypothesis. Turns out a study on the Ancient Peruvians found the stress hormone cortisol in their hair, so it's clearly something that has plagued humans for a very long time.

Check out Science Daily for the science part. 

Maybe it's just a human thing, period. Our gift of rationality and thought allows us to develop and build and all the amazing things that come with our humanity, but it leaves us capable of worry and angst. Worry comes with over thinking and that is something humans do pretty well. From studying philosophy I have come to realise first hand that the more you think and try to understand the further into darkness you allow yourself to fall.

Now, this isn't me saying I'm depressed. I'm actually happy as Larry (whoever Larry is... never really understood why he's always been the measure of happiness, but heck if I'm going to take it away from him). When I found Kaity I got a few comments and messages pleading with me not to get all happy and ruin my blog, and part of me is a little worried that may have happened.

See, there is worry about everything, even happiness. But I wasn't unhappy before, just a lot more pessimistic I suppose. Kaity's optimism has rubbed off on me I guess but it means sometimes I don't see things how I saw them before, which probably means those comments predicted some sort of future.

I've always battled with anxiety, though it's more like anxiety has always kicked my arse. And I let it. It's easier to just freak out and cry than to deal with things sometimes. But sometimes you need to just man-up.

I wore a dress on Friday night. Out. I went out in a dress. I never wear dresses, 'cause I look ridiculous. Normally dresses make me anxious and want to throw up - anxiety always makes me want to throw up - but I let it go, or at least I pretended to let it go. The only way I have discovered to dealing with personal angst is to lie to myself in the hopes of believing the lie. I don't know if that's the best technique and I probably shouldn't recommend it to anyone, but it worked. I was out and I didn't throw up. I imagine you could probably still see the anxiety in my shoulders and arms, 'cause that's where it hangs out.

Tensed up, shoulders raised, fists clenched.

But fuck it, one step at a time. I danced the night away. It was my best mates 21st and we went to Proud Galleries in Camden. I'd only been there once before, for a fashion show Greg walked in for Your Eyes Lie, so I wasn't sure what to expect for the club night. It was the first time Kaity had been out clubbing with us in London and turns out, it was a good introduction. Kind of expensive, but if we got there earlier we would have got in for free. Keep that in mind in case you ever decide to go!

Before The World Was Flat...

This is going to be a really short one I'm afraid as I'm currently working and paused to share this with you all. I'm sat transcribing my tutorial (I recorded us talking about stuff - it was a damn good plan) so I can have all the notes written down to refer to and it got to a part where were were talking about the Greeks and geometry and how they used it to work out the world was a sphere. Turns out that story about Christopher Columbus discovering the world was round rather than flat was a lie! I feel cheated. Part of me kind of wonders what the point of school (as in high school) even was you know, they didn't teach us anything and when they did teach us things it was a lie and they totally had us believing Britain were the saviours of the planet or something big and British - with all the look at us and our spirit. Ok that's just in history classes that last bit I guess, but still. In fact, I feel a rant about secondary schools in Britain may be in order. Just not today. This is me making a note of it.

They saw the shadow of the Earth on the Moon during a lunar eclipse was round. And they used the stars rising and falling to work it out too.

Plato used geometry (which he had mass love for) to tell us the sun, moon and planets would all have a natural circular motion.
Ok so we know the sun doesn't orbit anything now, but still - be impressed!

They even worked out how big the Earth had to be.
And when eclipses and other cosmology related events would happen.

I started researching this so I could share with you how awesome the Ancient Greeks were, but I should instead be writing my essay. I am like a super procrastinator, yet it's all somehow disguised to look like it's still work.... well I'm reading about Plato, so it still counts... only, that's not really true now is it? Sorry this entry isn't really up there with the awesomeness that is [SuperPennie] but I just needed to share my findings with someone and there's no one to talk to at 5.40am about this and I was far too excited to just keep it to myself.

You know, it kind of upset me that I wasn't an Ancient Greek. But I guess, being a girl I wouldn't have been able to go to any of those schools of thought and studied with all the lads anyway. Pretty sure only rich men or little boys the rich men could look after got to go to school. But I don't actually know how true that statement is.

Perceptual Experiences

So today I sat through the exact same Epistemology lecture I sat through last year on Sense Datum Theories. Part of me felt like just leaving when I realised I'd heard it all before, but let's be honest here, doing it again isn't going to hurt. So in accepting being given this second chance to understand I will take to discussing it with you lot. 

Personally I feel like epistemology shouldn't have it's own class but should just be discussed in relation to everything else. But maybe that's just because I am not a fan - 

So I'll give you the two claims we are (apparently) committed to before I discuss. If you are a non philosopher and absolutely horrified by my sharing this with you I do apologise and hope it doesn't lead to you never returning. But at the same time I did warn you all of this probably happening and as I have been sat in the library for a couple of hours and found myself not really doing much of anything I may as well do this. Let's call it Education Through Procrastination. 

In fact, I quite like that. I will be keeping it, somehow. 

1) Typically, the direct objects of perceptual experience are external, mind independent objects

2) Typically, perceptual experiences are relations to their direct objects. 

'Right, so what does that all mean' I hear you ask! Well, I don't hear much other than the clicking and the tapping I'm causing myself nor could I adequately answer such a question (I'm assuming) but by-golly I plan to try (...something). 

Now, according to number 2 those perceptual experiences are relational just like my laptop is sat in front of me is relational. If I were sat somewhere else that whole 'in front of me' placement would not hold. So according to that, a perceptual experience needs to have a relation going on, if there is no one around to relate to then the experience can't be happening. 

Ok, so that makes sense enough. 

'But wait!' I hear you cry. Does it make sense if we think about illusory experiences or hallucinations? 

Well, if you are a Sense-Datum Theorist the answer would be to abandon claim 1 and keep hold of number 2. So there is still the 'relation to the object' thing going on, but it doesn't necessarily have to be some external object. Only thing, if it's not an external object, what the hell is it? If I can see the laptop, doesn't the laptop have to be there? 

Well, the Sense Datum guys would say that those perceptual experiences are mind dependent 'sense-data' that are actually these internal things inside our minds. 

This is the point I start going - wait, what!?

So (from what I've gathered at least,) our perceptual experiences, i.e. things I can see, touch etc. are relations to the 'sense-data'. 

This sounds like they are saying that those perceptual experiences I'm having are all in my head, which I can almost go for... almost. Yeah ok, so I'll agree that what we're perceiving isn't necessarily what's out there. It's not like we could ever know, my experiences are all subjective. So on a low low scale, maybe when I see blue you can see green - that's not to say we're going to sit and argue about the blue object we're both looking it, but rather we see different things that are called the same thing through that relational language stuff. I learn to call this thing I see blue and so do you, even though we don't see the same thing. 

Sure, fine. This is ok. But now we're getting more into the 'what?' 

So how is it that you and I can both see a table if this is all some internal mental sense data relation? There has to be something making me perceive a table, right? 

Well I think so. But then you have those idealists that just make my head hurt who I think say no. Now, maybe I'm just misinterpreting the whole thing, but I think the idealists would say that everything I perceive and experience is just some representation or illusion or something and not what's really there. But then you have to wonder what really is there... 

It almost feels like they either don't have an answer or they're just going to make stuff up and hope it flies. 

I'm not really sure about all this idealism - It makes my head hurt. 

But please, enter into discussion (especially any philosophers!) and let's work all this out together! 

OMG It's NYE 2010

2010 sounds a little crazy doesn't it? I remember all the fuss over 2000 and the end of the world and all that jazz but 2010 sounds like the setting for some futuristic movie. Only we've totally failed with a whole lot of our futuristic expectations...

In the 1980's Back To The Future showed us hover-boards; where the hell are they? Surely we've worked out the technology to hover by now!

And why are we not living on the moon in tin foil suits yet?

Why are we still driving the same old four wheeled cars - with gear sticks?

Why haven't we cured world hunger yet? Or found a better source of energy? Yeah yeah, "Solar Power" I know... but what actually runs off solar power really? It's still too expensive for anyone to actually be running their houses off, or cars, or planes....

We failed our past selves with our rubbishness. I personally blame the fact that people want to make money more than they want to do science. We have way more technology than the everyday man can get his hands on, but nobody is selling up for less than more money than they could possibly ever need. Oh and those particular folk, who spend all day shouting that science is the devils work and ignorance is the only way into heaven.

So how do I plan to step into the under achieving future? Well I'm plan-less. Ok, that's not totally true - I have about 5 plans that I've yet to commit to as I sit in my room begrudging this need for celebration the world encourages, every time we make it through a year. I think I've grown out of all this celebrating and I'm really tempted to stay home and be a recluse. I enjoy the recluse life, but it's one the social person can get their head around.

Why would you not want to go out and get bladdered? Why would you not want to spend your evening surrounded by loud, sweaty drunks? You need to start the year as you mean to go on; with a party! 

I definitely do not want my entire year to be filled with drunken social situations. Been there, done that, can't be assed to hit repeat. Really if I want to start the year as I mean to go on, I should spend the evening writing and doing work in powerful attempts to achieve something with my life. 'Cause that's what I want a whole lot more than the drunkness and the sweat.

You see, I worked in a club for a year. And it wasn't any year, it was my first year at university. So every day for a year I was either out clubbing or in a club working (which amounted to the same thing up until I got bored of being on the scene). I wore it out. Can you blame me for not wanting to do it all over again?

And besides, what's so special about NewYears? It's just another day, it only looks like it's special because of the particular calendar we follow. But what if we followed a different one? There are loads of different 'NewYears' going on, so it can't be all that special. If I'm celebrating making it through a year, really that's kinda morbid... and on that logic shouldn't we celebrate everyday?

Yay! I've got a whole new today to look forward to! 

Woot! Let's celebrate tomorrow's arrival! 

Haha! I remember yesterday! 

I guess that's a good way to live, sort of. So long as the celebrating isn't daily over indulgences followed by massive hangovers. But just being happy, appreciating your life and all that love-y dove-y shit that nobody really does but pretend they do 'cause it makes them sound spiritual and 'together'.

I don't know.

While I'm on the topic of NewYears though, may as well discuss resolutions. I think it's pointless to make resolutions like, No more chocolate. No more fags. Exercise daily. Cold turkey, cold turkey, cold turkey! You're not going to achieve anything by removing something you enjoy on the premise of becoming a better person or whatever. It'll be a couple of weeks before you are back on whatever you gave up (or no longer doing whatever you took up) with twice the force to make up for lost time.

I think instead of empty resolutions we should reflect. Look at this year and see what worked, what didn't work. Look at yourself. Understand yourself. You can't 'improve' on something you don't understand so there's no point wasting your life away.

If you look back it'll help you look forward. It'll help you set real goals that you can actually achieve. So that's my plan this year, what's yours?