Video: Emperors New Clothes

Hey hey,

I got around to recording a poem, finally! So here, check it out =]




I have found out my exam timetable now too! Scary stuff! But I will be all wrapped up by the 2nd of June! Then that's it. Forever. Oh God.

Roar!

I want to apologise for being absent from the posting, but I wont. I spent Monday through to Wednesday of this week studying, trying to get an economics essay for my Marxism class done. Wore myself out though, so didn't do any work yesterday, which is definitely a shame. I'll make up for it today (before I go see Alice in Wonderland tonight!), hopefully.

There is a boy in my philosophy class that was telling me how he get's his work done. Basically, he switches the parts of his brain that functions like a normal human and enters study mode. Aim seems to be to turn himself into a boring (but focused) person for the day. I am actually really jealous of his ability to do this. Focusing isn't something I've ever been very good at... unless I'm playing video games; I can focus on those pretty well - for hours. I remember sitting up through out the night playing on my Super Nintendo instead of sleeping. Now I wont allow myself a games consol in the house... my brother took the ps2 to his house, far far away and I stopped my mum getting me a ps3 for Christmas, just 'cause I know I'd never get anything done.

Trouble is, there's still enough to distract me from working. Normally, I need a 'beat-myself-up-day' which involves me sitting in front of the Mac, staring at the work I have to do and just not touching it until I'm angry enough at myself for being so ridiculous that I start reading and taking notes. The next day or two are the reading and planning days. Once I've started I'm normally ok and can carry on for ages, especially with my old friend, Mr Caffeine helping me out. But then I'm tired and stressed and need a nothing day all over again before the process can loop round for me to actually do the writing part. I'd love to just skip those nothing days... They're such a waste of time! Other people can study every day, all day. Why can't I?

If anyone knows the trick to this whole taking control of your mind malarky, let me in on it!

Will power is a strange concept I reckon. Basically it's the faculty that picks what it is that I want and it decides what I want based on the information about the options that are stored in my intellect. But everything has positives and negatives so it's not a clear cut decision... so how is it the will picks which one it wants to go for? The will is just part of me, so it's me that's picking and I imagine the choice is based on desire or something, right? So, what does that mean...?

What desire am I fulfilling by sitting around avoiding working? I know that I have the desire to not fail, but that's further away than my desire to avoid stress. Short term trumps long term. So my question to you, is how can I convince my brain to do what I want it to do and focus on those long term desires a little bit. At least for long enough to get these 9 essays done!

Right, that's enough from me. I shall return to this economics essay of mine!

MUSIC: Dave Oakes

Hey!

A friend of mine is an awesome musician and he asked me to share some information with you lot, so I'm just going to post you his words:

As some of you might know, I auditioned for the UK's biggest competition for unsigned acts on Saturday and i've been put through to the regional finals.

The competition provides a great opportunity to perform live in front of some of the country's top producers, Label execs. promotors and DJs. If I make it through the next stages of the comp I will compete in the Grand Final and the Live and Unsigned Festival.

Over £50,000 in prizes are up for grabs with the winner offered a recording contract with Future Music, and up to £30,000 investment!
For the Regional I have to get as many people to come along and see and vote for me, the tickets are only £7.50, its being help on the 4th of April at the Royal Spa Centre In Leamington Spa.
It would mean alot to me if people could help me in anyway, the more people who can come the better, its only for one night and there is a guest act headlining.




And while you're here check out his Myspace

The Poor Student

So, remember Hello Budget? It was my little rant about how I have no money and have to put myself on a budget or face a period of time where I wont have a penny to my name.

Well, if you remember I allocated myself a generous £100 a week, thinking that would be plenty. How could I possibly spend more than that in a week? I don't really ever go out and I haven't been shopping in ages (though I do think about new jeans and new t-shirts and new bras on a daily basis, not going to lie). But somehow every week I have actually gone over and just taken some of my allowance away from future weeks - I'm keeping track in the calendar on NewMac (it's not a creative name, but it's his name - obviously I'm referring to my Macbook to anyone who didn't pick up on that) so I can see how much I'm spending and now I'm down to £60 a week from here on.

Now, £60 still shouldn't really be an issue considering I live at home. I haven't even bought a book in ages! There was a brief time (like December-February) where I was ordering a new book or dvd almost everyday! Granted, I don't have time to read or watch any of these purchases but I am set for the next few years with things to read - and let's be honest, writers rarely ever make much money so I wont be able to fritter away cash like I've been doing for the last three years. I think having a student loan (and having a job that didn't really feel much like work (mostly) for a year) has damaged my grasp of economics. I don't really have much understanding of the value of money, 'cause it doesn't mean much to me. When I have money, I'll spend it on other people just as quickly as I spend it on myself. It's just this standardised means for exchange that fuels an egotistical society. And ok, yeah, I am part of this society and need to learn to function within it, because I can't just pretend to be a little kid forever - but I sure as Hell plan to find a way to do both; to function and maintain at least a dash of youthfulness, forever.

My girlfriend unfortunately lives kinda far away. Not massive far away, it's only an hour on a big train, but it means paying for train tickets. This in fact means that if I go to Swindon every weekend that's half of my weekly budget already gone. If only I lived in the 60s when people bartered for stuff and I could just trade poems for things. Now that would have been perfect! But it's ok, when I'm done with all this uni stuff, it'll be less backing and forthing a bit =]

Now this isn't me complaining, 'cause she is a bit amazing and worth the empty pockets. It's just me wingeing, 'cause I'm a girl. And 'cause I want to buy tickets to Download soon and if I do that's 3 weeks money - that's 3 weeks I can't do anything... Other than go to uni, 'cause my travel card isn't included in the budget.

This is only going to be until April something anyway when the next instalment of student loan comes through - and this time I'll just manage it better to begin with instead of wasting so much of it on an Amazon addiction and pretty t-shirts. Online shopping is a dangerous thing...

Thanks to the way things work over in the UK and the fact that I'm not two years older and lucky enough to have missed the price hike, I will probably be paying back my student loan for the rest of my life so I'm resigned to the idea of never having much money.

That's how it's meant to be for artists, right? We need to suffer; it spurs creativity. Or, something.... Most of my best writing moments have come out of me spiralling in a pit personal angst and procrastination. Happiness inspires me to write too, but it makes me uncomfortable so I normally stop and hide my creation away somewhere. I think happy poems or love poems almost always just sound a bit cheesy, but maybe that's just 'cause I'm a bit of a pessimist or something.

Weight Loss

This is one of those things that everyone seems to always be 'trying' to do. Everyone wants to lose weight (or at least everyone I'm surrounded by). What I hate is when I look at myself, acknowledge the fat bits and  make the decision to improve then someone comes along and lies to me. I hate being told I'm not fat when I clearly am. I mean ok, I know I'm not morbidly obese or anything, but if I'm strutting around in size 34 jeans I'm definitely not skinny - not when I used to don 28s.

Before university I was about 56kg and training at least 3 times a week, doing Taekwon Do. I was trying to get down to 54kg so I could be in the top end of the weight bracket if I wanted to compete instead of the bottom end. I was teaching and training and always working out. I miss TKD more than you know and think about going back all the time, but I'm a little embarrassed. I'm ashamed of myself for stopping and for getting fat. If I get back down to the size I was before, then I'll feel better about myself and maybe it'll be less embarrassing to go back. Maybe I'll just hang up my black belt for good and take up a new art, how about Jujitsu?

Then I started uni and it was just too much hassle to make it to the class. Then I got a job in a club and it was impossible to make it to the class. So I stopped. And I was a student so obviously drinking more and eating more - whilst not working out at all (apart from dancing like a loon in clubs).

So I put on loads of weight. My size 10 jeans were put away and haven't been looked at since I was 19. My face exploded with my waste and I just carried on pastaring it up with piles of cheese and lots of naps. This was clearing a stupid plan...

This year (academic year, so September 09) I moved back home so I wouldn't have to work in my final year. My parents live in London so I didn't need to live alone and paying rent was too much hassle. My best mate is big on the weight loss so just being around him is pretty encouraging. Since I've been back I have gone from 68kg to 59kg. The amount I'm losing has increased as time's gone on, so I wasn't losing much for the first few months. I think that might be about a stone and a half for people that don't do kg but at TKD that's always what we worked in.

I still don't do much exercise, but I do watch what I eat a bit more. I walk everywhere and whenever I take the underground I always walk up the escalators instead of just standing and wasting time waiting. Apart from the massive one at Holborn station... I can only make it half way before I feel like death... I'm clearly still massive unfit, but smaller.

I've got a picture of Keira Knightley working out as my background on the mac, which reminds me not to sit and pig out all day everyday. It reminds me what hard work and dedication can get you. Unfortunately, I don't have much of either most of the time. So she reminds me what it is I want, in case I forget.

I looked up what my bmi should be for my height and in the summer I was technically over weight. I am currently at the top end of normal, but I would very much prefer to be at the bottom end of that scale.

I would also very much like a nice stomach and nice back so sit ups are becoming a daily activity. It's the plan at least. Let's hope I stick to it. I'll share my progress with you once in a while and if any of you lot fall into the "I'm not happy with my body" box feel free to join my journey. It's all about building communities.

Part of me feels like admitting my self consciousness here may not be that sensible. It un-arms and leaves me defenceless. But heck, we've been together a while now and I'm just starting to open up... who know's how good an idea that is in the long run....

I'll post two pictures so you can compare my face in July and my face now =] Not really great comparative pictures, but I can't be bothered to sit and photoshop pictures together and make it work better.

Poem: The Emperor's New Clothes

MC Angel asked me to rewrite a fairytale as part of this months Lyrical Challenge, so here's my piece.


The Emperor’s New Clothes

Pride is one of those things
That springs up to clip your wings
Or pull those strings that help with progress.
Pride will have you guessing
Before ever expressing a need for help
Or letting on that you’re lost.
Pride comes at a cost you’re never willing
To give into.
So one day, once upon a time
In a land far, far away
Or maybe just next door
There’s an Emperor who cares for nothing
But his bling. His style, his smile, his robes
Probe inquiry
And he loves the attention.
He loves it when you mention him
Or look at him with awe
He’d have a castle made of straw
If you’d adore him a little more.
So he hires two new weavers
Who promise him a suit
The finest ever made or worn
And never touched by man before.
It’s made from lace
Engraved with gold
And takes it’s place as they unfold
It’s made from special fabric
Designed to trick the kingdoms fools
See to them the suit’s invisible!
Too proud to admit that he can’t see shit
The Emperor dons his new attire
And speaks about its beauty
About its colours and design
As he swirls the courtroom naked
And he marches all the time
So the moral of the tale kids
Is to let go of any pride
Which leads to sheep mentality.
Somewhere after once upon a time
But before the happy after
Came a little boy
Too innocent to sense the rules,
Laughed.
He laughed and pointed
Soon disjointed, the crowd began to slack
And they all laughed and they all pointed
At the Emperors naked crack.





It was going to be based on The Red Shoes, but I couldn't write anything decent. So I picked a different story.

The other challengers of the night, Raymond Artbous who did Rumplestiltskin and  Sabrina Mafouz who did Little Red Riding hood were awesome! MC Angel did a take on Cinderella which was also amazing. Over all a fantastic evening and I think any of you lot in London should totally come next month!

Lyrical Challenge

I know! I suddenly suck at this frequent posting thing! I've been all distracted. I shall not be sharing stories of my distractions with you, as entertaining as they may be... Instead I'm going to give you a little update!


On the 9th I'm performing at Lyrically Challenged along side Sabrina Mafouz and Raymond Artbous

Passing Clouds, 

1 Richmond Road, 

London

E8 4AA

The night is run by a friend of mine known as MC Angel and the idea is that every month the poets are challenged to write a new poem. The theme of this months poem is fairytales so I'm going to do a take on The Red Shoes - Well that's the plan. So far I don't like anything I've come up with, so I may consider picking a different fairytale to try soon. 

I'm going to post the challenge to you lot. I want you to write me a poem based on a fairytale! Any fairytale you like =] 

I look forward to reading your responses! 

And if you're in London and you're free be sure to check out the event!