See, a friend of mine died on the first and even though I thought I'd be fine, I guess not. I'm trying my hardest to not think about it, 'cause I don't know how to deal with it, but my body is not ready to just up and move on.
I couldn't perform the poem.
I got about 6 or 7 lines in and completely blanked. It was a little bit embarrassing and at the time I couldn't understand why I blanked, but it occurred to me later that night, talking to my sister. I can't stand there and talk about death like that, when it's such a sore subject for me. I thought I had tougher skin, but I'm just an emotional wreck.
I'm not going to sit here and talk about it with you, 'cause it's weird and a little too personal for me to share too many details. But I just wanted to comment on the power our brains have. Mine went against what I tried to make it agree to because I'm not ready.
Look at me, I'm talking about it as if me and my brain are different things. I'm not a dualist. Just going to throw that out there. I just think there is more going on in my brain than I have control over. And of course there is, I have no control over most mental activities taking place in there.